by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
