I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
