Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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