Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
