being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize