Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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