glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
