I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
