quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
