Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
