omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
