True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
