I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I FOUND THE LEGS
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
