it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
