I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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