you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
