what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
