I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
