Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Randomize
