Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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