there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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