I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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