I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
