I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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