I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So I just went to clothing optional bar
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
