one two three fourrrrnication!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
