I puked a lego.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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