What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
