Kiss
Puke
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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