Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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