i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
