barbara walters just said penis...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
