My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
