Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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