What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She's just so happy...and so naked.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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