addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Congratulations! We have a period
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