It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
