He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
