my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
