My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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