So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
