Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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