Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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