Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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