don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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