how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize