Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
