i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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