he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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