WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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