Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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