i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
