I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
