margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
