News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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