Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
