oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Houston, we have a squirter
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
