It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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