I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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