You're so nebulous sometimes
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The beer is more important than you right now.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
