Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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