i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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