i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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