He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
