I wish I could teleport
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
