Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
