I just made out with a guy for $7.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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