Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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