Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
