I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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