she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
