How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
