this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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