explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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