I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
