I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
