You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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