I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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