We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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