C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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