Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
