I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
