So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
