So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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