I'm jealous of your bromance
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
