Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
