Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
