so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
