I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
