I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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