She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
