she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
