Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
