her vagina looked like bernie madoff
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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